“There must be more to life than increasing its speed.” – Gandhi
Up until 7 years ago, I lived my life in a state of “what’s next?” No matter what I was “doing,” I was always thinking about what I should do next, or in the future. My life was made up of lists and schedules. If I wasn’t “doing” something, I felt guilty and would search for something to do. Reading books was my only escape from this “mind fuck;” My mind had to be “doing” something and reading was a “doing,” which my kids and partners can attest to. And yet, I would also go into states where I thought of nothing but the past and how I could have done things differently. As was the case for me, you can have both nervous systems on full drive at the same time. So, while I was always “doing,” it felt like a heavy weighted exhaustion existed over me.
When I started this journey I aimed to figure out why I felt the strong need to be “doing” all the time – I explored many important layers. These layers proved to be deep and complex, and thus, this quest took many years. On the first layer, I discovered that my “doing” equated to how much love I received. If I was not “doing,” then I was supposedly not worth anything, and why even exist? I believed that love is conditional, and the condition was “doing” for others. The second layer related to my worthiness as a human. Growing up, I was never shown that “being” was ok; I had to be “doing”. Lastly, on a deeper layer, I found that I did not know how to self-regulate my nervous system. However, I gave myself action steps to address each of these layers, and worked on these steps.
It is the cosmic joke since we are Human Beings not, Human Doings!
Wendy Wagoner has explored numerous avenues of disciplines over the last 30 years. She is a professional Awakening Coach, healer, and experienced workshop leader.
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