It is truly amazing to me to see how sharing our true essence “LOVE” spirals out in the Universe as a ripple effect.
I believe LOVE is not something we get from the outside, but something we find from within. I have experienced it as one of the many true essences we can draw on at any given time. When we let our story masks or ego slip and allow ourselves to fully feel present in any given moment, we can feel our LOVE essence. Giving can be given from our ego states; of thinking we “should” do something for someone else. OR giving can be given from a true place that needs nothing but to get out of our own way.
My parents had a gift of reaching out to those in need but it was not always from a true place of essence. If it were then they could have brought if further into their family relationships. I did learn this at a very young age, the “should” of doing for others. So the unraveling of this judgmental voice had to be tackled before I could really feel my true essence of LOVE and was then able to give from this place to the others.
My brother was not exactly nice to me growing up. However, he did stick up for others less fortunate than him in our neighborhood. This was because he was previously bullied in our old neighborhood. My brother and I did not have much connection as adults because of these actions toward me during our upbringing.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
In 2008, I was at an ‘Awakening to Presence’ workshop with facilitator, Michael Fleming. It was our last day of the workshop and I had not yet had my own personal process. Each person’s process was unique in that it addressed anything in the moment that was coming up for him or her. There was never an agenda or direction to someone’s process. We let it unfold in the moment and allowed our minds to let go and our bodies to show the way of the true enfoldment. Just recently, I had received a phone call from someone letting me know that my brother, was in jail. When it was my turn to process in front of the group, I had many feelings regarding my brother. My enfoldment allowed me to find forgiveness, and my heart opened with love for my brother.
When I arrived home from the workshop I drove to visit my brother. I was able to meet him with unconditional love and support. This was the beginning of our journey to an amazing friendship and connection, which lasted throughout his 7 years in prison and beyond. Since my heart opening at the ATP workshop, allowing me to share my true essence of LOVE without any story attached, this allowed my brother to open his heart to not only me but also his fellow inmates. One of the first people my brother met in prison was a man, who I will refer to as “John” that had been incarcerated for 22 years, and had many more to go as he had a life sentence. John was moved to a different facility, which led my brother to ask me if I would consider writing him a letter. He didn’t tell me much about John, only that he was a true friend. Supposedly since the move, John felt as if nobody cared about him and why not just give up? But, to John’s surprise, he received a letter from a total stranger - me! I cannot recall what I wrote in that first letter to him; I am not sure it matters. What matters is that he felt love and connection from that letter. According to John, he felt as if God was saying, “see I am worth it” - you are loved!”
This ripple effect started before my healing at the island workshop. It started before I began working with Michael Flemings (the facilitator). In fact, we never know where something really starts or ends, because time is an illusion. The importance of the opening the heart and letting the “story” (ego self) leaving our consciousness - for that moment where we can truly feel what is true. What is true is that we are not separate from one another! We never have been and on the deepest level we know that we are all one. We don’t need to do anything, it just being what we are, LOVE…
The ripple is still spreading – John received a surprise letter for the first time in 28 years from his son! Let’s keep the ripple going until it is a wave that has such force that we are all riding the waves together in the oneness!
I have worked very hard on my life up to this point (this made me giggle). I wonder what that really means. Anyway, I have many life experiences that have shaped me and allowed me to be on a journey for this elusive feeling of peace. Up to this point, it has been somewhat of a push/pull and ego driven endeavor to become a person that my children will feel in their hearts; that I was truly a good mom and person. My mom died when I was a teenager and at the funeral, I remember thinking, who are they talking about? The perceptions I have of my mother were not theirs and so it felt false to me. I felt ripped off - jealous of something they seemed to have with her that I did not feel I had. I now know that is not the truth, but at the time it was so strong. I vowed to explore and strive at being a better person for my kids and my future grandchildren. The dysfunctional patterns can stop, but once again I have worked very hard to change my character patterns. Have I arrived? Well, honestly I can say I am done striving, or trying to arrive anywhere. It did serve me having to take this journey from an ego driven agenda place. Now I am ready to just BE.
If I died tomorrow would my kids, listening to people sharing at my funeral, agree with their perceptions of me? I am not sure that would be the case, but I am ok with that because it is their journey to figure out that it is all a projection. I truly feel love for them, from every cell of my body and heart. I did the best I could with those moments in time, as did my mother. I know that my mother loved me from ever cell of her body and heart and did the best she could with the moments she had on this planet. So the letting go of what I “think” my mother did or did not do for me is a wonder gift I found within myself and I feel peace in the letting go.
Wendy Wagoner has explored numerous avenues of disciplines over the last 30 years. She is a professional Awakening Coach, healer, and experienced workshop leader.
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