We go through life ‘thinking’ many thoughts all day long until we close our eyes and fall into sleep. Have we ever wondered who is this voice? Is this voice really us? If it is not us than who is this voice that runs our life? Why is this voice so mean to us? Why can’t I ever get anything right? Why do I want to control the outside world? This voice is relentless and I don’t know about you, but for me I pretty much wish I could push DELETE so that voice would go away. Or better yet, I'd like to strangle that voice. I got so tired of the voice, I decided to do something about it. I started to put in the work to answer these questions.
When I first started to work on my inner judge voice, I journaled every day for a whole year. Today, I continue to journal about what that inner voice says to me and how that voice runs my life. In this self-investigation, I found this judge voice to be mind blowing, especially when I looked at it from a big picture context. One judgment is not so bad, but when you combine all of the judgements you have daily for a full year, it can add up to a lifetime of pain and suffering. Not only to myself but also to everyone that I interacted with.
What I learned is that I have TWO layers to this judge voice. The FIRST layer is the helpful judge voice. That layer is constantly advising us on what we should and should not do all day long. We want to be healthy so we should not eat that bag of chips, for example. You might think, "Well, what is wrong with that voice?" It is true that I do want to be healthy and a bag of chips is not the healthiest choice. This voice seems helpful as it allows us to control ourselves; otherwise we could end up overweight! But, just remember that this judge voice, which is concerned with what we should or should not do, rolls over into judgements about what we should and should not do regarding not just our health, but our job, profession, love, relationships, inner-work and life in general. Nothing gets left alone in our lives and it is all up for scrutiny.
The SECOND layer is the most important layer to unveil. This layer is the hidden implied attack. In our example above, when we decide not to eat the bag of chips, we can find the hidden attack beneath the helpful, reasoning voice. In this example, my hidden attack is ‘you’re a worthless piece of shit.’ But, would we say this to anyone besides ourselves? Ever? Looking at this harsh reality of what my inner voice was saying to me was shocking. How could not eating a bag of chips turn into thinking I'm a worthless piece of shit?
Once we get to the deepest layer, we can then start to work on these core beliefs, laid down usually in our first three years of life. We start to track back and unravel whose voice this truly is, which allows us to practice stopping this voice from punching our hearts and causing us to feel worthless. Everyone has different hidden attacks and so doing the work of finding them is a key component in this process. In calming the attack voice, we need to do the work on a cognitive level but also on a felt-sense, right-brain level too. If we want to have any true freedom for this voice we can’t just magically push a DELETE button, no matter how much we do affirmations or ignore it. The work is finding a coach and tackling the unwinding in your cognitive left-brain but also in your felt-sense right brains. Happy investigation!
If you're interested in taking a step in freeing yourself from the judge, learn more about my upcoming workshop by clicking here.